Dear baby nephew/niece,

Please come out soon and fill the void in your aunt's heart. Your aunt wants to see you badly. Frankly speaking, there's nothing much to look forward to in your aunt's life. Though you're only 4 months old in the belly, barely developed any organs, you actually hold greater significance than many other people who exist before your aunt's eyes. You have no idea how lucky you are, my dear, to have an amazing mother, aunts who would shower you with love and probably the best grandmother anyone can ever wish for.

I don't usually post about silly things but I just can't help it today. My crush shares the same birthday as me!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

And he can sing!!! Hot arms!!!

Okay sorry. Back to reality. 

:)

"Mariam wished for so much in those final moments. Yet as she closed her eyes, it was not regret any longer but a sensation of abundant peace that washed over her. She thought of her entry into this world, the harami child of a lowly villager, an unintended thing, a pitiable, regrettable accident. A weed. And yet she was leaving the world as a woman who had loved and been loved back. She was leaving it as a friend, a companion, a guardian. A mother. A person of consequence at last. No. It was not so bad, Mariam thought, that she should die this way. Not so bad. This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate belongings."

Women of Afghanistan have the extraordinary power of moving hearts. This is why we should never forget to thank Allah for granting us such blessed lives. 

This is exasperating. The one guy I really like, or ever liked for that matter, doesn't respond to my existence. 

Look.

If you're planning to be like this in the end, then don't even begin with it. Because all you're giving me is an erroneous impression. It's not nice to mislead people into thinking that they could actually stand a chance.

 

One question I never fail to receive when people see me in a hijab; “Why must you cover yourself like that?”

Not that I find the question in any way provoking. People get curious, and I can identify with that. It’s the response I get to my reply that upsets me a little. Some commiserate over my “obligation”; others give me the I-feel-deeply-sorry-for-you look. As if I’m being oppressed in some way? I don’t know. How sad, people misconstrue my clarification as grievance. But it’s not like that at all people I do not feel opressed. If there's one thing I've learnt it's to be comfortable in my own skin. I don’t have to dress to impress anybody. And I am most definitely happy.

I guess my one and only regret is that I never got to hear you play the electric guitar. Oh well, chances come and go don't they?

 








I should stop laughing so much with these ridiculous girls...

Can't quite put my finger on how the past weeks have been. Honestly I don't know what to feel. I know I've accomplished more than I can ever expect myself to in four mere weeks. As a matter of fact, Orientation was phenomenal. 

But I'm shattered. Every, single, time I get myself into something like this I end up disappointed. I expect so much from people. They let me down. People I count on, they're never exactly there. People I genuinely care for, they take advantage of me. I put in every ounce of effort I possess sometimes I over-estimate over-exert myself but nobody sees. Everyone else gets a good name. 

The thing is; it's always, always like this. Maybe what I need is the slightest form of acknowledgement?

We're compelled to go by the force of circumstances often too many times it seems impossible to ever feel like we're in control of ourselves. But in the midst of all this, we still need something to help us endure. Even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope.

Now now now allow me to still be in denial about what lies ahead. I'm petrified as hell. I don't know what to be hopeful for. As much as I have a deep aversion to admitting this, I think I left my heart and soul in Jakarta/Bandung. Damn it I am that pathetic. Not a good start to 2011.